Status

At the end of high school I dated this wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, charming, caring, wonderful girl named Lauren. We had similar interests, had fun together, and it was all around the perfect relationship. We eventually went to different colleges and stayed absolutely committed to each other.

 Immediately upon arriving on campus, my friends didn't seem to like Lauren, whom they had never met. Though I only said the nicest things about her, they felt like she was influencing me to be someone I'm not. Someone who was nicer, smarter, and more artistic than the loud, drunken fool they thought me to be. This continued throughout the year, and Lauren and I discussed how we may be growing apart, but would still try to continue our relationship because it was simply ideal.

 We continued to discuss the possibility of moving in other directions, but continued to date all throughout the next summer. By the time August rolled around, we both knew we were going back to school to live entirely different, separate lives. For some reason, I wanted to inform the world of my separate life before actually discussing it with Lauren.

 As I sat in the living room of Lauren's beach house that sunny August day, enjoying another delightful vacation paid for by her family, she entered the room, apparently after getting a comforting call from a friend, and asked me, "Why does your online profile say you're 'No longer in a relationship'?"

I changed my relationship status on [popular social networking site] two days before actually breaking up with my girlfriend. That, my friends, is just more proof I'm a jerk.