The Triple Whammy Break-up

The Triple Whammy Break-up

In the sixth grade I had the pleasure of dating a young lass who we shall refer to as Kerri Clark*. Kerri was my first real girlfriend, in that we told people we were dating. We never really hung out after school, or in school, but because my popularity peaked in middle school, Kerri convinced me would should date. In the meantime I was calling other girls, and hanging out with other girls, and I think I may have even kissed Katie Larson at the top of the bleachers at a football game. Allow me to restate that, yes, I in fact peaked my coolness in middle school.

That winter, my family takes a vacation to Mexico. My parents ask what I'm bringing back for my girlfriend. This was the first moment when I realized I was supposed to buy things for girlfriends, and that would not fly with me. I barely have enough money for candy and exploding caps for my pop gun, why should this girl I barely ever see get my money? Of course, when I got home and Kerri wasn't even mad I didn't bring her a present from Mexico, I thought that was pretty cool, so I decided I would keep dating her a little while longer.

Eventually, Kerri's birthday looms, and my parents begin asking me what I'm getting her. My friends started saying since we'd been together so long, she's not going to let me get away with no present. Of course Even from an early age I didn't like setting a bad precedent, so I knew there was no way I was falling for this, and that I'd have to cut her loose. Of course, seeing as how we never really saw each other, and a sixth grader's life is so complex and difficult, I forgot about breaking up with her until it was too late.

I would have apologized for picking such an awful day to break up with her, but at the time I didn't know that it was her birthday, nor that it was our anniversary, nor that it was Valentine's Day. That, my friends, is a triple whammy break-up.