Didn't expect to find that under the tree...

Didn't expect to find that under the tree...

Freshman year of college, I got involved with a "Wacky Secret Santa" exchange on my hall. Thinking of Christmas as a usually wholesome, G-rated holiday, I interpreted wacky in a safe manner. For my contribution, I went down to a local video store and found copies of a few terrible, but totally hilarious, VHS tapes. I thought this would be the weirdest thing under the communal tree.

Well, of course not. This is college, isn't it? Among the presents were feminine hygiene products and vulgar joke books, the kind of sophomoric gifts you expect out of permanently hyper college students. The gift I recieved was left for very last, and you could say I was wholly unprepared.

Under that wrapping was an encyclopedia. A compendium of world events and facts? No siree, not that kind. See, this was a collection of...ahem, films of a mature nature. Nudie cuties, as they were called back in the day. Yes, the very sweet and rather quiet girl down the hall had given me An Adult Film Encyclopedia, which included a listing for every pornographic picture made between 1950 and 1978. Every title from "Adult Hercules" to "Zanzibar Frolics" was included, along with full descriptions of their content. This would have been enough, but there was also an inscription included. Inside the front cover the following was written:

"Dear Jimmy, it's hard not to think of your mom when reading this book. She's on every page! Happy Christmas!"

The look on my face was apparently priceless. Christmas never felt the same again, and I've had a conversation starter on my bookshelf ever since.